Empowering Women in Leadership
By Carol Macaluso, Shahbaz Toru and Shirley Wu
The Stepping Stone, July 2025
On March 21, 2025, the Leadership and Development Section Council celebrated International Women’s History Month by hosting a vibrant and insightful discussion centered around The Confidence Code by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman.
The meeting was facilitated by three female leaders from different disciplines: Carol Macaluso (finance), Leesa Drake (HR), and Alycia Slyck (actuarial science). Three volunteers, Parker Henley, Shahbaz Toru and Praveen Madugula moderated comments and questions throughout the call. More than 120 actuarial community members shared their thoughts and experiences related to the book’s themes.
The Confidence Code explores the nature of confidence, its origins, and its significance in achieving success. Kay and Shipman delve into scientific research, interviews, and real-life examples to uncover the truth about confidence. The book emphasizes that confidence is not an inherent trait but a skill that can be developed through practice and perseverance. Our panelists chose three core areas as focal points of discussion: Confidence Killers, the Importance of Failing Fast, and Steps to Build Confidence.
Confidence Killers
Self-doubt is one of the most destructive confidence killers because it is the inner critic within us. It directs our internal dialogue in a negative direction that makes us question our decisions and abilities without evidence. If you struggle with self-doubt, you likely ask yourself questions that are some variation of “What if I fail?” or “Who do you think you are to do this?”
Your inner critic poses these questions without evidence or a fair assessment of your abilities. Through self-doubt the inner critic creates a dangerous cycle that leads to inaction and a lack of appetite for risk-taking. When the inner critic wins and prevents you from acting, you feel small and retreat, leading to more self-doubt and the continuation of the cycle. The Confidence Code argues that to build confidence one must take action.
Imagine the inner critic existing as a clone of you outside of your head. It sits across from you at your dinner table or beside you in the kitchen, posing these very same questions. Ask yourself:
- Are they fair?
- How long would you tolerate these bad-faith questions from a real person?
- Would you not expect this inner critic, now personified, to be more charitable and compassionate?
To prevent self-doubt from killing your confidence, it is important to remain aware of this voice and to challenge it. The next time you feel self-doubt creeping in, cross-examine it. Don’t be afraid to remind yourself of past wins, big or small, as a precedent for your capabilities.
Perfectionism is also an obstacle to action, which is lethal to confidence. The quote “Perfectionism is the enemy of progress” aptly summarizes this confidence killer. The fear of not meeting your own standards can hinder action and prevent you from starting. It leads to inertia and paralysis that works against your confidence.
Perfectionism can be complicated because it may also help you strive to exploit your full potential. However, more often than not it takes shape as a negative pattern where you are afraid to even begin, lest the end result not be up to your expectations.
Finding a healthy balance is difficult, so it is important to get comfortable doing things imperfectly. Instead of focusing on the final form, focus on the process and embrace the mistakes you make along the way. Showing up consistently, in action, perfectly or imperfectly, is progress. An imperfect step forward will build your confidence, but staying perfectly still will kill it.
Importance of Failing Fast
Closely tied to self-doubt and perfectionism, the fear of failure prevents us from taking on risks and exploring the unknown. When there is a fear of failure, we question our abilities and aim for perfection. This combination leads to constant inaction which ultimately diminishes confidence. Society has led us to see failure as the end of something as opposed to the beginning of something else. A shift in perspective is important to combat this.
The Confidence Code advocates for embracing failure as an essential part of the learning process. The authors argue that failure should not be feared but rather seen as an opportunity to grow and improve. Admittedly, this is easier to suggest than to implement. You are by no means expected to feel great when you fail, but if you want to build up your confidence, consider seeing it as a stepping stone. Failure is not a permanent setback and there are few where you cannot have a go at it again.
Reframing fear of failure is a critical step to overcoming it. Fear of failure is inevitable as we face untested or uncertain moments. However, if we reframe failure as a First Attempt in Learning and adopt a Win or Learn mentality, we will build resilience and mastery of new skills to fuel our growth and our confidence.
Several attendees shared experiences where they feared failure would reveal vulnerabilities and damage their reputation. Often times, this fear would result in inaction and “should have,” regrets thinking. Failing fast and experiencing bite-sized failures breaks the cycle of imagining worst-case scenarios and dials up our determination to take action. Confidence is about ACTION. When in doubt, we must ACT—do it, learn it and move on.
Attendees shared moments of triumph where we faced our fears and failed but ultimately learned, leaned forward and crushed it the next time. We had shared experiences of speaking up and having our ideas rejected, struggling to lead our teams to achieve a goal or trying new ways of working which didn’t work out as planned. Regardless of the specifics of our failures, they all forced us to reflect and learn from our experiences and were often our greatest drivers of growth, confidence and fulfillment.
Steps to Build Confidence
Throughout the discussion, we shared practical steps and what can be integrated into daily routines gradually to build and maintain confidence. Alycia led the audience through the “power poses” exercise recommended in the book in real-time to allow all to feel the significance of body language in conveying and cultivating confidence. By adopting expansive and assertive stances, such as standing tall with arms raised or placing hands on hips, one can experience a surge in confidence. These are simple tactics one can use in daily working settings to build confidence.
Another important strategy to build confidence is to be gentle with yourself and avoid harsh self-criticism, the concept of practicing self-compassion. The panelists and audience shared phrases they like using, such as “you have done enough,” “I have tried my best” and “it’s okay” as a gentle reminder to thank ourselves for taking action to grow. Celebrating small victories is crucial for maintaining confidence. Acknowledge and reward yourself for the progress you make, no matter how minor. These celebrations reinforce positive behavior and motivate you to continue striving for success.
The audience also brought up The Five Second Rule, while discussing helpful self-development podcasts from Mel Robbins.[1] The principle is straightforward: when you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within five seconds, or your brain will kill the idea. Count backward from five and then take action.
This method disrupts procrastination and pushes you to dive into tasks, making it easier to build momentum and assertiveness. Attendees shared how using the Five Second Rule helped them combat indecision and take steps toward achieving their objectives. They didn’t give their minds time to generate excuses or succumb to fear. This reinforces the concept that confidence grows through action, and by making swift, decisive moves, we empower ourselves to tackle challenges head-on.
The panelists wrapped up by recommending two books that are relevant for confidence building:
- Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain. This influential work sheds light on the strengths and contributions of introverts, challenging societal norms and advocating for a more inclusive understanding of personality.
- Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. Meditation helps silence our mind, including any voice in our head that triggers self-doubt or fear of failure.
Conclusion
The book club meeting was a deeply enriching experience that left members with valuable insights and actionable strategies to boost their confidence. The discussion reinforced the idea that confidence is a skill that can be nurtured and developed, leading to a more fulfilling and successful life. Attendees shared that they felt empowered, refreshed, and inspired.
We look forward to our next meeting and to continue our journey of exploration and growth through literature. Stay tuned for updates and join us in our quest for knowledge and empowerment.
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Statements of fact and opinions expressed herein are those of the individual authors and are not necessarily those of the Society of Actuaries, the editors, or the respective authors’ employers.
Carol Macaluso, CPA, is the finance operations strategy lead for Equitable Financial. She can be reached at carol.macaluso@equitable.com or via LinkedIn.
Shahbaz Toru is an actuarial analyst on the Experience Analysis team at SCOR. He can be reached at storu@scor.com.
Shirley Wu, FSA, MAAA, is the Bermuda chief actuary and head of strategic initiatives for Equitable Financial in Bermuda. She can be reached at aywushirley@gmail.com or via LinkedIn.
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